Women are strong and powerful. Their impact in the society and in life is second to none. Their influence transcends throughout the whole society and the world at large. They are queens in their own right. They are beautiful, their bodies are perfect and made by God. Women bring so much light and joy to the world. With all these beautiful qualities, women are still the ones that suffer more in the society and the world at large. This suffering gave birth to feminism.
Our society and culture have women carry all the burden that is supposed to be shared with men. The society is so unfair to women. Let’s take for instance, in the Igbo culture when a man (husband) dies, the men claim the properties. Women are always sidelined in most cultures, especially in Nigeria. It would surprise you that in the North, women are given out to early marriages and are not even given the opportunity to go to school like their male counterparts. Most of the time, women are told who to marry and what tribe they should marry from. Women are blamed for how a child is being raised, forgetting that there are two people that bore the child. If a child is not smart enough they blame the women, if a woman can’t bear a child, they blame her!
Recently, in Nigeria, a young girl was raped in a church. I was so sad, heartbroken, and angry when I heard this. I went on twitter to look through the hashtag and what I saw was so devastating. It made me more angry and sad, I cried at some point. It also opened my eyes to see that a lot of sensitization and work needs to be done in our society. I saw some people blaming the young girl for being raped. People asking questions like what did she wear? Why was she in the church alone? What time was it? Now pause for a moment while you read this and think about it, I want you to think about it with an open mind. Why is she being blamed for being hurt, for being abused, for being dehumanized, for being injured, for being molested? Why is she to blame? Why is the woman always to blame? Why is the rapist not the one taking all the blame? Also, should the dresses women wear matter when it comes to rape and harassment? If you have walked through the streets of Yaba market, Lagos Nigeria, you will realize that ladies are harassed every single day. They may be fully clothed and walking in broad daylight and would still be harassed by the men. The most painful part of it all is that when these women react, the next thing that happens is body shaming. The men begin to body shame women saying “oh she’s not even fine”, “flat ass”, “see as she wowo”.
Why does this happen? How long are women going to suffer? How long are women going to be blamed for everything? If you’re a guy, I want you to understand that taking baby steps to change these things that are seen as the norm in our society will make a huge difference.
We need to unlearn these things. Unlearning is when you decide to stop thinking, acting, and doing some certain things you used to do before. It’s a sign of maturity, growth, and progress. As men and women, we need to unlearn the thoughts of blaming the woman for everything. Blaming her for how she is dressed, or what she does. Let men and women take responsibility. If you as a man misbehave, own it! It may be in your home, at the workplace, or anywhere at all. Understand that women have feelings like you, they are humans too. Women, please also learn to speak up, let your voice be heard, teach people to unlearn certain things, disagree with the norm that doesn’t work in your favour.
I have to stop here because I can really never write enough about women and how they should be treated better in this part of the world. I would stop on a note of saying that “Rape is not about how a woman dresses, how she walks, what time she is out or where she is, rape is a thing of the mind and any man that perpetuates this evil is wicked and inhumane! You need to understand that consent is everything. No is No. Also, there is no excuse for rape of any kind. The heart of man is really wicked”.
I hope you get to share this and enlighten people in your circle.
